He's Done It All Before

Friday the 13th:

I am going to spoil this movie. If it's even possible to spoil a remake, and I use that term loosely seeing as how the original Friday the 13th's killer was not Jason, but his mother and this movie has Jason doing the killings so if it is a remake it would be of one of the sequels to the original... where was I... oh, if it's even possible to spoil a movie that involves a bunch of young college age kids (college aged so the girls are old enough to take their tops off and be in sex scenes) tread someplace they shouldn't have gone to party, drink the liquor, and smoke the dope only to be picked off one by one by a psycho killer wearing a ski mask armed with a machete. If by some chance you didn't know what was going to happen in the film, surely you did by the the time you told the attendant at the ticket counter what movie you wanted admission for.

Anyway kids go to the infamous "Camp Crystal Lake" this time looking for some marijuana plants to pick and sell and get slaughtered. The the brother of one from that group returns to the town his sister went missing in looking for her only to find another group of kids who you know are about to die because they are: the stereotypical jock douchebag, the stereotypical jock douchebag's friend who's slightly more stupid, their stereotypical girlfriends with nice racks you know you'll see later, the innocent girl who's rack you know you won't see, and the stereotypical black and Asian guys who's purpose is to die horrible deaths that make members of either race facepalm themselves every second they're on screen until they die and thus can no longer be stereotypes.

If you can't tell by now, I have problems with this movie from the fact that it's being called a remake to the cast of the film. And to top it off there's not even any cool deaths, which brings us to my biggest disappointment, SPOILER (highlight to read): the movie sets up a giant mechanical wood chipper in the beginning of the film, so as any watcher of movies knows, it'll come back again later in the film and since this movie is supposed to involve cool deaths I figured at least I know somebody's going in that wood chipper. And I am saddened to report that nobody goes in the wood chipper because. Isn't is sad that I'm spoiling the movie by telling you that the only cool death in the film isn't actually in the film? You should avoid this movie. If you want to see a Jason movie with decent deaths go watch the original, or if you need something cheesier watch Jason X. Granted the series was always stupid and cheesy, it can still be entertaining. D-/3.0/27.